The Disaster of Discretion + 5 Turd Nuggets of Daily Doo Doo

The Disaster of Discretion + 5 Turd Nuggets of Daily Doo Doo
August 26, 2015 Duchess of Doo Doo
Dear Digesters,

Duchess of Doo Doo here, focusing on facts, not crap to make your daily duty a healthy and regular doo doo and not a sometimes don’t. Follow me on Twitter for quick tips on how to improve digestion and to learn more about the history and fartistry of the perfect poo.

For my first entry, I’ll take a look into some of the common slip-ups that may have challenged some of your secretions and focus today on the expectations you should have for your everyday digestive process.

Among my family and friends, I am known to ask, “Did you poop yet today? How was it?” because I know that one of the best indicators for your health and surest signs of a good day is a smooth and easy bowel movement. I’ve grown comfortable with toilet talk, and believe that by encouraging more people to honestly examine their feces we can become… a better species! Poops for peace!

There is a broad spectrum of bowel movement types, and each is indicative of your state of health. Learning what each discharge means is critical in the management of your digestive health, ranging from a poop soup (diarrhea) to being stopped up for days (constipation). When you’re having loose stool, you often feel nervous, hurried and anxious for this brown river to flow by. On the other hand when you haven’t had a bowel movement all day (or in a few days) you feel weighed down. In fact, each day the average person produces 1 ounce of stool for every twelve pounds of body weight, meaning that a 160 pound person produces about a pound of poop a day, so you can imagine how many pounds of fecal sludge you might be carrying around after a few days of constipation. That’s about the weight of a Chihuahua in your colon.

Aggressive-Chihuahua
In contrast, you know when you have just had an excellent poop; you feel rejuvenated, light, and ready to take on the world.

I believe we should all feel capable of taking on the world every day. This is why I want to throw discretion out the window and create a candid conversation about crap. I would much rather hear how someone’s morning dump went then discuss the obvious weather outside. Sports? Boring. Give me squirts any day!

We can delve more into this psychology of open discussion and positive perspective on poops in my next post. For now, I’d like to leave you with some turd bits to take home today.

  1. You should be offloading your personal waste 1-3x per day.
    • Strategies to help you do so will be coming soon.
  2. The brown delivery system should be effortless. Think gentle yoga in contrast to extreme weight lifting. You should be able to breathe easily!
  3. You should never be able to feel (or hear!) movement in your bowels prior to the “I have to poop” signal. Loud, thunderous movements in your small intestines and colon are a bad sign.
  4. Diet is the key to the best digestive doodie. (HINT: Eat lots of veggies!)
    • We will be going into this at length in later posts.
  5. Finally, always discuss concerns you may have about your downtown dumplings with your doctor, friends and family. When you’re having issues in your alimentary trail it is a huge indicator that something more may be going on or will very likely develop. Forget discretion and get down to the dirty.

As you digest this post and wait for the next load from the Duchess, I’d love to hear from you about topics you’re interested in learning about, lists of your favorite synonyms for “number two,” and your suggestions for the name of the palace in which this blog is written.

“Everybody looks at their poop.”
― Oprah Winfrey

Diligently yours,

Duchess of Doo Doo

Comments (6)

  1. KritterKondo 2 years ago

    So funny! Great information thank you! I saw that episode with Oprah and Dr Oz!

  2. Duchess Doo Doo 2 years ago

    Hey KritterKondo! Thanks for commenting 😀 I love that even though Oprah is super famous, she still doesn't mind talking about poop!

    Hope you're having smooth moves today!

  3. Leslie Nance 2 years ago

    Awesome…don't want a dog of any kind in my colon! I want more…get to writing! XO

  4. Duchess Doo Doo 2 years ago

    I know!! I have so much more in me that I need to publish! My editor (my beloved husband) has had a really busy week. Soon we will get the next two posts out which delve into the psychology behind our digestion issues. Eek! It's gonna be good. I'll direct tweet you when it's out 😉

  5. A. Word 2 years ago

    I'm just now beginning regular conversations with my stool, and I must admit it's got a lot to say and has recently become my greatest teacher on how and what to eat! 😉 Love your approach to this "taboo" subject. 😉 Keep it up, Duchess!

  6. Duchess Doo Doo 2 years ago

    Amber! Thank you for reading 😀 New post will be out within the hour. I would love to hear your thoughts. Have a great nights sleep :)

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